Measure your life in love.

Daisy Love just passed.

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 23:55:30 -0500

Daisy Love just passed.

Pray for Daisy

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 02:03:03 -0500

“ Oh friends, I don’t know what to say… Updating has seemed a task daunting and impossible as our girl lay in her bed at Cottage intermittently crying out in pain, sleeping, and dreamily remarking about the shadows of the birds on the wall.

January 13th marked one month in the hospital. She received two weeks of chemo within a couple of days of going in with abdominal pain and finding two new tumors. She came home for three nights after that and went back in with severe dehydration. The chemo had a much more radical effect on her showing how fragile she really is. We are awaiting her guts to heal and her body to retain nourishment. Needless to say we are devastated. We had hoped our journey across the world would have cured our baby but it is not so.

We are discussing a few options with our doctor, none of which we can make a decision on until we peek inside Daisy’s belly again to see how it responded. Until then we wait and pray and hope. And as our hearts are ripped out and our very insides sear with pain, the principles of life haven’t changed. Parenthood, no, being human, is still an opportunity to love. Every time I rub Daisy’s swollen feet, cool her burning once again bald head, every time I listen to her speak tiny words in the dark of the night or wash more soiled bedclothes, my opportunity remains. To love. This month is not a month I expected, not a month I wish upon any mama… Yet my opportunities to love her abound, and it’s my pleasure to serve her in all the deep pain. I don’t know what the future brings. Yesterday we were able to leave the hospital and continue her care at home, but we need a miracle, more than ever before. While we yet remain, we choose to enjoy our girl because she is incredibly enjoyable.

Please pray for us as we make agonizing decisions never intended for parents to make. Pray for a miracle. Pray for relief of our girl’s physical pain. And pray for stamina for the rest of us to go forward in strength and courage.

Daisy is as courageous as ever, full of grace and maturity as she voices her needs without ever whining or being rude. She once again is saving her downy hair for the birds by our house, hoping as they have spring babies they can enjoy her softness.

One last thought, as a parent and as a human being; opportunities to love surround us. When we take those opportunities time seems to stop, and in that timelessness is where memories are made and beauty is beheld. We will never regret rising to the occasion. I believe it has something to do with the fact that God is love and we are made in His image. Suffering isn’t what we are made for, but it can be fruitful in ways we could never imagine.

We love because He first loved us.

I appreciate the ways so many of you have loved and served us through the shadows, prayer, dinner, financial help for treatments, letters, teddy bears. You have helped ease our suffering in many ways.

Love, Kate.”

They did it!! Guys, this is friggin’ amazing. No,...

Tue, 30 Oct 2012 02:33:42 -0400

They did it!!

Guys, this is friggin’ amazing. No, miraculous.

$500,000 in 6 months!! God is so good.

"Life is pain. It’s part of the human experience, and if you scratch the surface of anyone’s story..."

Tue, 09 Oct 2012 02:25:50 -0400

“Life is pain. It’s part of the human experience, and if you scratch the surface of anyone’s story you will find it. No one is exempt. We must face our fears, believing that we will be carried through and held up by the One who made us. Do I only focus on what hurts and is hard and what is being withheld, or will I thank Him for what is good and right and given freely? I must not believe God is my cosmic vending machine, spitting out only what I’ve inserted a crisp dollar for, but instead trusting God with where He takes us, not just with our desired outcome. If I believe God is good and sovereign over my life as well as Daisy’s, circumstances need not dictate our general emotional state, need not cause us to roll into a ball and hide under the covers for longer than necessary. God is my refuge and my strength. Yes, I’ve been singing this song for months, years; and this week I needed a fresh reminder.”

- Kate Merrick

This about wraps up my first day of class.

Tue, 28 Aug 2012 01:12:30 -0400

This about wraps up my first day of class.

Last RSF service today until winter. Can’t believe how heartbroken I feel- must be separation...

Mon, 20 Aug 2012 02:27:37 -0400

Last RSF service today until winter. Can’t believe how heartbroken I feel- must be separation anxiety. Aughhhh. I can do this.

When I first started attending Reality services, I was so focused on me: my spirituality, my walk with God, my growth in Christ. For the first time this summer, I really experienced a sense of community. I’ve always found community in my fellowship- friends, brothers and sisters that I’ve grown up with, in Christ. But never have I found community amongst strangers- brothers that I only know by face, sisters that I’ve had but brief encounters and conversations with. But we’re so, so connected. I feel as if I know the hands and souls of each and every member that makes up the church.

Theological, missional, and relational.

I’m going to miss RSF- Tarik and Dave; Johnathan, Christian, and the set-up team- Abby, Kate. The worship. I’m going to miss walking with, and discovering Christ with my home.

Tear. But what a message, and what a task to end with: to be theological, God-centered first and foremost in all that we are. To be missional, to live for Christ, and not simply for the experience of Christ. The discovery that our greatest need is reconciliation with God, and to know that he has given us the ministry of reconciliation itself (John 20:21-23). And to be relational- aware, concerned, and involved in what He is doing in the world around us; to have relations with a community striving to discover the direction in which the Sovereign Redeemer is moving, and together pursue to move in that direction (Johnathan Edwards).

For the love of Christ compels us, because we judge thus: that if One died for all, then all died;and He died for all, that those who live should live no longer for themselves, but for Him who died for them and rose again.Therefore, from now on, we regard no one according to the flesh. Even though we have known Christ according to the flesh, yet now we know Him thus no longer.Therefore, if anyone is in Christ,he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.Now all things are of God, who has reconciled us to Himself through Jesus Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation,that is, that God was in Christ reconciling the world to Himself, not imputing their trespasses to them, and has committed to us the word of reconciliation.

Now then, we are ambassadors for Christ, as though God were pleading through us: we implore youon Christ’s behalf, be reconciled to God.For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him. — 2 Corinthians 5

"A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound..."

Wed, 15 Aug 2012 23:09:42 -0400

“A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.”

- Dickens

“Daisy Merrick is SO TOUGH that when Chuck Norris wakes up...

Fri, 10 Aug 2012 06:09:00 -0400

“Daisy Merrick is SO TOUGH that when Chuck Norris wakes up with nightmares, she rocks HIM back to sleep!”

Today, my Pepperdine finaid went through- looks like I’ll be living more than comfortably for this academic year. Today, Daisy finally moved into the featured spot for HopeMob, making it possible for us to donate. And tomorrow, The Merricks leave for Israel to look for alternative treatment.

God really provides!

was trying to explain to Miguel why Daisy means so much to me- aside from the fact that Britt, Daisy’s father, is just about the most beautiful example of Christ’s love I’ve ever encountered. His childlike faith, unwavering devotion, and unceasing joy… joy, under the strain and weight of such trials and suffering- well, it’s just about the craziest and most wonderful love I’ve ever seen.

But Daisy, Daisy is like.. a ray of sunshine. The brightest and purest source of light. She’s tough, she’s tenacious. But most of all, she’s so strong and full of life and laughter; an 8 year old who’s battled and survived cancer 3 times. But she isn’t weary, or weighed down by life. She’s hopeful and happy, and just so beautiful. A light this bright should be protected- I just can’t watch her snuff out. I’m certain that the world would get a little darker, dimmer, if Daisy Love does not win.

I’m also certain that she will win, and continue to shine for us as a symbol of God’s love and mercy. She’s our hope, our miracle.

It’s silly, and a bit ridiculous, but- I just feel like if her light goes out, my own hope for this world will diminish (though not completely) along with it.

“If God is for us, who can be against us?” Romans 8:31b

“Joy is not merely a feeling, it is the deep down confidence that God is in control of everything for the believer’s good and His own glory, and thus all is well no matter what the circumstances.”

After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. 1 Peter 5:10

And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because he has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with his love. Romans 5:5

“We modern people think of miracles as the suspension of the natural order, but Jesus meant them to be the restoration of the natural order. The Bible tells us that God did not originally make the world to have disease, hunger, and death in it. Jesus has come to redeem where it is wrong and heal the world where it is broken. His miracles are not just proofs that he has power but also wonderful foretastes of what he is going to do with that power. Jesus’ miracles are not just a challenge to our minds, but a promise to our hearts, that the world we all want is coming.” -Tim Keller

Daisy, Daisy, Daisy- My heart breaks

Mon, 06 Aug 2012 17:09:07 -0400

Daisy, Daisy, Daisy-

My heart breaks

Daisy Merrick, you are going to be a miracle.

Sun, 15 Jul 2012 04:53:32 -0400

Daisy Merrick, you are going to be a miracle.

Aren’t people suppose to come in and out of your life for a purpose? Some relationships are...

Tue, 10 Jul 2012 02:53:00 -0400

Aren’t people suppose to come in and out of your life for a purpose?

Some relationships are like cancers. At first, you’re completely unaware of the disease even taking hold of you. So it festers and spreads and wedges itself deep into your core. And by the time you realize its presence, it’s far too late. Already a part of you. Sharing cells and blood vessels and whatever other sustenance; a complete eradication would be agonizing. And maybe even impossible.

Amputations always seemed scarier to me- but then, once you’ve amputated that limb, the healing process begins, doesn’t it?

But cancers come back. Daisy Merrick is 8 years old and her cancer has returned for the third time.

Why can’t it just leave us alone?

And the eradication process itself. The surgery, the therapy. Pain, pain, pain. Is there no end in sight? How can you kill something that’s become a part of you, without dying a little yourself? And at some point how are you even able to differentiate? Is it the cancer that is dying, or am I? Does it even matter?

Let’s say you ‘beat’ cancer. A bit worn and more than a little weary, you stumble towards the road to recovery- piecing back the broken parts, salvaging that broken shell, filling up that emptiness, trying to make yourself whole again. But then, who’s to say it won’t return? And what will stop it when it does?

Sometimes forgiveness feels more like a burden than a blessing. Aren’t some bridges just better burnt? Why leave an open door for a cancerous relationship?

The lies cut so deep, and the betrayal harrowing.

But I’d still forgive you in a second.

Somebody remind me of your crimes. Somebody harden my heart. Somebody recount the wrongs and pour that fuel and light that match for me. Bridges are hard to burn. Cancers even harder to kill.

I miss Paris. where reality was just an unpleasant memory, and...

Sun, 01 Jul 2012 04:23:50 -0400

I miss Paris.

where reality was just an unpleasant memory, and life itself was both surreal and magical.

sigh. life story.

Mon, 04 Jun 2012 03:08:56 -0400

sigh. life story.

I need to talk to a stranger.

Sat, 19 May 2012 03:24:17 -0400

I need to talk to a stranger.

thelittlepaintbrushgirl: Cute. wow. finally something worth...

Fri, 18 May 2012 23:52:23 -0400

thelittlepaintbrushgirl:

Cute.

wow. finally something worth reblogging :).

posting this for your benefit, mac. mmmm cake.

Thu, 10 May 2012 20:44:26 -0400

posting this for your benefit, mac. mmmm cake.

I think God and I are fighting. I hope it ends soon. The silence is killing me. Although it may be...

Tue, 07 Feb 2012 00:51:00 -0500

I think God and I are fighting. I hope it ends soon. The silence is killing me.

Although it may be entirely my fault. I think I’m mad at God. Going to Pepperdine, as much of a blessing as it is, gives me an inferiority complex.

I remember this sermon Britt Mericks gave a couple months ago on the idea of the “good” and the “bad” Christian. He had said that because our value and worth lies within Christ’s goodness, there really is no discernment.

True as that may be, I still feel as though I am surrounded by the holiest of the holiest- Christians that can talk, and literally talk to God, and more importantly, hear God whenever they please. And to be completely honest, I’m jealous. Jealous as hell.

I recently joined this small group full of the most amazing people. They’re truly inspirational. The purest hearts and the strongest faiths- and what’s even more amazing, they posess this ceaseless, childlike.. WONDER for the Father. They have amazing (I think I overuse this world) gifts- gifts of prayer, prophesy, tongues, and even healing. Gifts that I was always skeptical of- but gifts that I certainly I always wanted to have. I witness these gifts upon my first visit- it was astounding. Those with the gift of tongue brought an intimacy, a holy poetic cadence to the worship.. Those with the gifts of prophecy and prayer, appeared like vessels of Christ resonating His love and goodness and power. God was everywhere- as mad at Him as I was, I couldn’t escape Him.

After the worship I pulled aside the leader, KC, and told her of my troubles- you see, we’re told over and over that God doesn’t really work based off of a reward system. But why are they blessed with these gifts, and I’m not? Why can’t I speak to God and be able to hear Him the way that they do? To have the power to just.. pray or speak out in tongues and then instantly have the Holy Spirit answer, or not even answer, but just to immediately be able to feel His presence.. how amazing would that be? How come they can have that type of relationship with God, but I can’t? Am I not a good enough Christian? Should I work harder, try harder, pray harder?

KC prayed for me. And the way she prayed… well, haha, that made me jealous too. She started praying.. then abruptly stopped, look at me, and said, “I’m sorry, can you wait a second? I just need to talk to God really quick and consult Him on how to pray for you.” She then bows her head, closes her eyes, and muttered half in tongues, half in English, smiling the whole time. She finishes the prayer.

That’s what I want- to be that intimate with our Father. I feel like I’m struggling and struggling and maybe I’m not fighting hard enough. Maybe my intentions are too selfish- I want these gifts, first and foremost, for my own spiritual welfare; the desire to use these gifts to benefit His Kingdom comes a close second.

There’s that Bible verse. Something about asking then receiving, seek and He will answer. Maybe I’m asking wrong. Or just can’t see clearly.

My last days in Firenze. Extremely bittersweet. Though I cannot wait to be back in SF, Malibu; with...

Fri, 09 Dec 2011 04:52:00 -0500

My last days in Firenze.

Extremely bittersweet.

Though I cannot wait to be back in SF, Malibu; with Miguel, my family, my friends, my dog;

I’m going to miss Leonardo’s lectures. Struggling with Italian. Mangiare la cena. the cobblestones. the villa, the people. living out of a suitcase. the art, the history. my little Italian brother Pietro. Medici’s gelato. Cafe Liberta. relating my life to Henry James.

But I think I’ve done Italy right-

Siena, San Gimingianino, Fiesole, Pompei, island of Ischia, Sicily, Palermo, Valley of the Temples, Monreale, Cefalu, Norman Palace, Taormina, Mt. Etna, Rome, Venice, and my favorite, Paris.

Plus I’m going home with the best personal souvenir :).

i love technology. not only does it make basic everyday tasks and needs a convenience, it’s...

Fri, 25 Nov 2011 16:29:16 -0500

i love technology.

not only does it make basic everyday tasks and needs a convenience, it’s also simplify human relationships.

you know how they say you can’t erase your past, and that you have to grow, learn, and deal with it? bullshit. I’ve just deleted quite a few ‘friends’, and intend on removing that part of my past from both my cyber and physical world.

select, unfriend, finito!

you might call this method unhealthy or cowardly, but I say, who are you to judge? I’m a psychology major and I know what’s right for my mental, spiritual, and relational health. (or it may slightly resemble denial, but we’ll see how that played out)

We’re currently discussing Henry James’ Portrait of A Lady in my lit class. Doesn’t it suck when the book you’re analyzing in class holds too many similarities to your own life? Well, Mr. Henry James. I don’t think I agree with you. Who in the right mind would choose to suffer? I’ll take my supposed ignorant bliss any day, thank you. And you know what else? I may be a naive, sexless, and somewhat amoral American girl, but you sir, are a masochistic expatriate, and it’s pretty clear who came out with the shorter end of the stick. You maliciously tore apart the lifestyles of these ‘oblivious’ Americans, claiming we’re all stuck in some senseless limbo with no self or sense of identity or culture, well ain’t that the pot calling the kettle black? You’re an expatriate for cryin’ out loud! Just because you couldn’t identify with your countrymen and left for Italy in search of your soul, only to be terribly disappointed, doesn’t mean all the rest of us are in denial. Leave us alone and quit lamenting- additionally, it is your brother who’s the psychological expert, so give it a friggin rest.

Now I’m rambling.

There’s this idea in Italy that, by placing a lock on one...

Sun, 09 Oct 2011 07:58:28 -0400

There’s this idea in Italy that, by placing a lock on one of the ponte’s in Venice, with the initials of you and your lover and toss the key into the river, you will be together forever :).

This weekend was uh.maze.zing.

Went to bed around 1am Friday night and woke up 2 hours later to catch a 4am train to Venice. Arrived in Venice few hours later.. there. are. WATER TAXIS. AND WATER BUSES. like, what? oh, and erm, water.. garages? pretty ridic. Beautiful, beautiful city. I think the most memorable moment was the gondola ride-

30 euros for an hour tour of Venice, with our gondolier, Massimo. So surreal.

Got back to Florence around 10pm :), then hitting the discoteca, finally getting into bed at about 3:30am. Best 24 hours of my life.